Looking after yourself as a parent.

Written By Coach Carl
 
 

As parents we have 473.5 things to do… today. Looking after ourselves beyond food, fluids, and hygiene isn't high on that to do list. So finding time to allow more than the essentials is really challenging. Below are some suggestions of how you may be able to find more time to look after yourself and provide you a bit more capacity, enjoyment, and reduce your risk of burnout. We would find time for the kids to have down time if they are really tired, so let's look to find time for ourselves. I’ve used these quite a few times when I’ve worked with very busy clients (parents or not) as a personal trainer, and I have also applied these myself as a Dad with two monsters.. 

Create Time by Saying No or Delegating. 

 

If we don’t say no, life just keeps pouring

 

We spend all our time saying yes to the kids' needs, or the families, or [insert work/sports/community group], that we don't have time for ourselves. This is parenting overcommitment, a real thing that can contribute to us burning out, or simply struggling to get through each week in one piece. Establishing a limit on our commitments, saying no or declining offers of more responsibilities, is a key to reducing the chances of us being overcommitted. When asked to contribute in a new commitment, even if it appears a small one, review what you are already doing, and lean towards saying no, because if you don’t have time for yourself, you certainly don’t have time for anything else. It is all right to say no as you, and your wellbeing, are important too.

Secondly, of the tasks you have, what could be delegated? Are the kids old enough to empty the dishwasher? Could your partner fit that after school commitment rather than you? If costs are not an issue for you, could a cleaner come once a fortnight to handle that job you hate? You do not have to do everything, and some tasks can be passed to others. Have a conversation with your partner about home tasks and see if a redistribution is needed to make it a bit more even. Once you have created the time you need, resist letting other tasks bleed into your newly created time. 

Scheduling ‘Me’ Time:

 

Once a week or once a day, it just needs to be time for you.

 

Now you have said no, and or delegated, you may have 15 mins more each day, or perhaps an hour free in the week for you. High five, well done! 

Now what? What are you going to do with this time? No, do not put chores or tasks you feel you should do here, this is your time for your things YOU want to do.

Whatever you want! And that in itself may be terrifying, because we don't know what we want anymore. I have found as a parent, a weird amnesia of who I was before kids. And I think this is even more so for mums. We spend so much time being amazing parents, that we lose who we are. So your first thing after identifying and protecting ‘me’ time in your week is thinking about what you want to do in it. You may have a list of things you want to do, great, if not, use your first ‘me time’ to come up with ideas for what you want to do. Yes, this Personal Trainer is going to suggest exercise is on your list in some form. And with good reasons: endorphins, dopamine, and health benefits (you can read more here). Aim to have 3 or 4 things that are different. Something indoors, outdoors, short or easy to stop, something more involved, something you could do anywhere. This will give you options for whatever time you have, or if something happens and you don't have the energy or situation needed for your first choice. 

An example: I like to fish, but this is dependent on factors outside my control like the weather. So my back up for poor weather is tinkering in my garage. However if I don't have the time for either it may be a book, or a walk.  I have others but you get the point. Have about 4 things that you could do in any situation. 

So now you have some ideas, you need to do them. Book the time in, stay open to changing what you do, but protect that time at all costs. It is for you, and you deserve it. 

Lastly, as someone who struggles with trying to do it all, stop trying to be perfect, instead be kind to yourself. You need this time, you deserve to be more than just a parent. While it is easy to imagine perfection, the reality is we can't get it. Something will come up, or cause an issue. As I often say to my clients in the gym, focus instead on being consistent as this is what will pay off to you the most over time. This plan you have may get scuppered by a sick kid, a last minute curveball or whatever. There is the next day or the next week where you can have that time again to yourself. Be protective of your time, adapt to what you can do and focus on just having some time for you. 

Coach Carl
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