Looking after yourself as a parent.
As parents we have 473.5 things to do… today. Looking after ourselves beyond food, fluids, and hygiene isn't high on that to do list. So finding time to allow more than the essentials is really challenging. Below are some suggestions of how you may be able to find more time to look after yourself and provide you a bit more capacity, enjoyment, and reduce your risk of burnout. We would find time for the kids to have down time if they are really tired, so let's look to find time for ourselves. I’ve used these quite a few times when I’ve worked with very busy clients (parents or not) as a personal trainer, and I have also applied these myself as a Dad with two monsters..
Create Time by Saying No or Delegating.
If we don’t say no, life just keeps pouring
We spend all our time saying yes to the kids' needs, or the families, or [insert work/sports/community group], that we don't have time for ourselves. This is parenting overcommitment, a real thing that can contribute to us burning out, or simply struggling to get through each week in one piece. Establishing a limit on our commitments, saying no or declining offers of more responsibilities, is a key to reducing the chances of us being overcommitted. When asked to contribute in a new commitment, even if it appears a small one, review what you are already doing, and lean towards saying no, because if you don’t have time for yourself, you certainly don’t have time for anything else. It is all right to say no as you, and your wellbeing, are important too.
Secondly, of the tasks you have, what could be delegated? Are the kids old enough to empty the dishwasher? Could your partner fit that after school commitment rather than you? If costs are not an issue for you, could a cleaner come once a fortnight to handle that job you hate? You do not have to do everything, and some tasks can be passed to others. Have a conversation with your partner about home tasks and see if a redistribution is needed to make it a bit more even. Once you have created the time you need, resist letting other tasks bleed into your newly created time.
Scheduling ‘Me’ Time:
Once a week or once a day, it just needs to be time for you.
Now you have said no, and or delegated, you may have 15 mins more each day, or perhaps an hour free in the week for you. High five, well done!
Now what? What are you going to do with this time? No, do not put chores or tasks you feel you should do here, this is your time for your things YOU want to do.
Whatever you want! And that in itself may be terrifying, because we don't know what we want anymore. I have found as a parent, a weird amnesia of who I was before kids. And I think this is even more so for mums. We spend so much time being amazing parents, that we lose who we are. So your first thing after identifying and protecting ‘me’ time in your week is thinking about what you want to do in it. You may have a list of things you want to do, great, if not, use your first ‘me time’ to come up with ideas for what you want to do. Yes, this Personal Trainer is going to suggest exercise is on your list in some form. And with good reasons: endorphins, dopamine, and health benefits (you can read more here). Aim to have 3 or 4 things that are different. Something indoors, outdoors, short or easy to stop, something more involved, something you could do anywhere. This will give you options for whatever time you have, or if something happens and you don't have the energy or situation needed for your first choice.
An example: I like to fish, but this is dependent on factors outside my control like the weather. So my back up for poor weather is tinkering in my garage. However if I don't have the time for either it may be a book, or a walk. I have others but you get the point. Have about 4 things that you could do in any situation.
So now you have some ideas, you need to do them. Book the time in, stay open to changing what you do, but protect that time at all costs. It is for you, and you deserve it.
Lastly, as someone who struggles with trying to do it all, stop trying to be perfect, instead be kind to yourself. You need this time, you deserve to be more than just a parent. While it is easy to imagine perfection, the reality is we can't get it. Something will come up, or cause an issue. As I often say to my clients in the gym, focus instead on being consistent as this is what will pay off to you the most over time. This plan you have may get scuppered by a sick kid, a last minute curveball or whatever. There is the next day or the next week where you can have that time again to yourself. Be protective of your time, adapt to what you can do and focus on just having some time for you.
Interesting links that helped me write this, or inspired thoughts around this blog:
Parenting and overcommitment
https://parentingplace.nz/resources/avoiding-overcommitment
Weaponised forgetfulness
Unicorn time
Fitness and mental Health
https://healthify.nz/hauora-wellbeing/p/physical-activity-mental-health/
Getting into Stuff: Why this teacher isn't regretting quitting his day job
This was a follow on article from an advert I did for the tax agent I use called Hnry.
It was super cool to do and this gives a little bit of who I was and why I became a PT in my 30s.
Here is the direct link, and I’ve made a copy below too.
https://www.stuff.co.nz/business/130832880/why-this-teacher-isnt-regretting-quitting-his-day-job
Personal trainer Carl Rein says being self-employed has freed him up to spend more time with his family.
Leaving behind a career as a teacher is one of the best decision Wellington personal trainer Carl Rein says he has ever made.
The self-employed gym buff spent eight years working as a high school teacher in England and could feel himself burning out, so when he returned to New Zealand he decided to leave it behind.
“I’d got to the point of teaching where I was aware of the fact that I was starting to burn out.
“I didn’t want to close the door on teaching – it was something that I did enjoy, it was just a case of I knew that if I didn’t take the opportunity with moving back to New Zealand to explore a new career then I might have found myself in a situation where I would have had to leave teaching because I just couldn't do it any more,” said Rein.
He did a part-time personal training course in the evenings and on the weekends, fitting in study around looking after his young family during the day while his wife worked full-time.
Now three years into being self-employed, the coach based out of Oni Personal Training’s studio gym said a lot of the fulfilment he got while teaching was also there in his work as a personal trainer.
“I’ve got an eight-year-old and a five-year-old. With a young family, if a kid is sick and can’t go to school it is relatively easy for me to contact whoever I’m working with that day and reschedule to look after my family, and put them first, versus with my experience teaching in the UK, unless hell was freezing over I had to be there.”
Rein said he loved the flexibility of being self-employed and being able to set his own hours of work.
In hindsight, he said it was much easier to be self-employed than he thought it would be.
“Cons, you don’t get holiday or sick pay, but the pros for me are huge. I set my own hours, I get to spend more time with my family, I feel I’ve got a lot more control over what I get to do and who I work with. I’ve got a lot more freedom of choice, and I get out what I put in because it’s my business; if I’m putting lots of hours in, I’m the one who gets the rewards.”
Rein is estimated to be one of tens thousands of New Zealanders in recent years who had made the switch from a 9 to 5 or salaried work in favour of being their own boss.
Sole traders make up nearly 20% of New Zealand’s workforce, or around 400,000 people, and include self-employed tradies, creatives, health professionals and consultants who work for themselves.
Software accountancy firm Hnry said its own business had tripled in size just this year alone and was bringing on more and more clients who had become self-employed.
“This is something we started to see in the early stages of 2020 when Covid hit,” said Hnry chief executive James Fuller.
“A lot of people who are uncertain about their future are looking to take a bit more control about how they earn.”
In 2020 there had been a flurry of Kiwis turning to self-employed work largely because of redundancies due to disruption from the Covid-19 pandemic and lockdowns.
However, it recent months more Kiwis had made the switch to self-employment in anticipation of more redundancies in the forecast recession, Fuller said.
“A lot of people are saying self-employment gives me control and flexibility to go out and de-risk the way that they earn.”
This year Hnry had signed on over 70,000 new sole-traders.“It has never been easier for people to earn independent income and a lot of people are looking ahead to next year and starting to make plans, both alongside a salaried job or a full time endeavour,” he said.
“We’re seeing a real acceleration of people looking to get into self-employment – the pandemic really pushed things and we haven’t seen any slowdown at all. People realise that it is very easy to go out and earn independently and they are looking to take opportunities to apply their skills in a number of different areas to earn a good income.”
Hnry launched in Australia at the start of last year and said the same trend had accelerated across the Tasman.
Rein said making the leap into self-employment was scary at the beginning.
“Once you get going it is actually a heck of a lot easier than it looks from the outside. It’s just a case of finding your way.”
How often should I exercise?
TLDR - 3-5 times a week for 20-30mins to start with and build up from there.
This can be a classic ‘it depends’ question... If you simply want to maintain your fitness, or you are starting your journey 2-3 times a week for 20mins could be enough. However if you are more advanced or have more specific goals your needs will be different.
Where do I start though? You would start with 2-3 20-45min sessions. You'd walk, maybe jog, lift some weights, and you'd probably see results in a few weeks (improved sleep, energy, stamina, etc) maybe even find that clothes fit better. The main objective here is getting your total activity up. And remember something is better than nothing. If walking for 30 mins is not sustainable, do 30s of walking, 30s of standing for 20mins. Do laps of the lounge/garden. Just start.
Your primary objective is to start a habit of fitness. What ever you choose to needs to be achievable time and effort wise, and arguably more important, sustainable. If you are unable to sustain your habit of fitness, you will lose interest/time/focus/will power. Trust me, I've started and dropped a million programs due to my own unrealistic expectations. Keep it simple and repeatable.
Once you have built a routine of fitness you can start to increase what you are doing, things like load, intensity and frequency. The key thing here is that you need to build gradually, not suddenly jump into 5 a week heavy intense sessions. You can do this, but your chances of not being able to sustain it or worse get injured increase. Slow and steady wins the race for you.
Regardless of where you start, increasing your activity levels, no matter how you do it, is going to bring you some benefits. Walking in a forest 3 times a week won't make you look like Arnie, but it will improve your mental health feels (technical term there). And pumping iron wont' give you the mobiliyty of an acrobat but it would increase your confidence in helping a friend move a couch, or get all the shopping from the car in one go.
So find 3 20min slots in your week and start
It's just a kettlebell right? What's the difference.
A kettlebell is a kettlebell, is a kettlebell right? All the same thing?
Yes, but a the same time no. If you look at any anything closely the details tell a lot. A Toyota Corrolla, Ford GT40, and a Formula 1 Ferrari are all cars, but they are VERY different things.
Kettlebells are broken down into essentially three groups for me:
Traditional/Cast Iron bells
Sport Bells
Everything else
Cast Iron bells are the OG form of the kettlebell. Look on the web for old time strong men and you'll see guys with kettlebells like these. And very similar to the idea that they came from cannonballs with handles.
These are the preferred bells for Hardstyle systems like RKC, StrongFirst, and DV8. The main thing with these bells is the size of the bell increases with weight. So and 8kg bell is the size of a large grapefruit or small melon, and a 48kg bell is a bit bigger than a basketball. The handle thickness also increases, so bigger bells become a grip challenge as well, especially for people with smaller hands.
Most traditional bells of decent quality are powdercoated, or painted and polyurethaned for a 'boot polish' look.
As I final point, I will say buy these from a specialist kettlebell or strength equipment retailer, a supplements store/super market/big box store, are going to carry cheap and likely nasty ones. You can also find excellent bells for good prices second hand.
Sports Bells:
The main thing with these bells is they are intended for kettlebell sport (yes that's a thing) and to a lesser extent kettlebell juggling (yup, it's awesome have a look in Instagram), and therefore need some standardisation as weight distribution is super important. All sports bells are the same diameter in the body, and the handle shape and thickness is also the same. This means an 8kg bell, and a 48kg bell are all the exact same dimensions, except for paint colour and weight. These bells a usually a bit more expensive than a regular traditional bell. This is because they have to be made with a more complicated process, and the handles are polished/brished steel vs iron that is painted, again you get what you pay for, so shoot for quality. You are looking for a bell with its centre of gravity to be higher up, and closer to the handle.
The rest....
Apologies if you love these, or if they are all you have access to. Work with what you have and then upgrade to something better. You won't regret the investment. I would avoid these completely, they don't last or provide a poor workout experience.
Vinyl dipped bells. A cheaper cast iron bell, these are dipped in vinyl to give the body a colourful coating. These can be ok, but I've seen ones with jagged bits of metal in handle, lumpy handles etc. They are cheap, and for a reason. Super common in sports shops, big box retailers etc. Also pretty common in smaller gyms or ones that just want a bell or two.
Plastic bells: These plastic cases with a lump of concrete in the middle are just terrible. I own one, and its 2kg and we bought it for my kid when he was 3, it was about $2 on clearance. It got dropped, it split open. Don't get these, they are rubbish.
Which Kettlebell should you get? Check out my guide here.
Which Kettlebell Should I get?
You want to get your first kettlebell? Awesome, let's pick the right bell for you!
So you've decided you need your first KB, but do you need a sports bell? A hardstyle bell? What weight? What colour? Where from?
Type: Sports or Traditional
Disclaimer: I'm not a KB sports person, so this is my outsider view on bells to start with. Like with any KBs training, get a coach to start with, it will cost you money, but save you frustration, poor form/technique, and, well, pain (physical and or financial).
Let's start with what you are going to use it for. If you are a crossfitter, or a kettlebell sport athlete, you are going to be doing a lot of volume or reps (KB sport, 200+ minimum reps in an event), and/or you are going to be doing one handed movements for most of your training then you need a bell intended for that. So straight away, a sportstyle bell is most likely going to be what you want. These have a narrow handle, and all are the same dimensions, just weighted differently. Jump down to choosing the right weight.
If you are a hardstyle kettlebell user (RKC, StrongFirst), or a general fitness/home user, a traditional or cast iron bell is your best choice. The wider handle will be great for two handed two handed swings. This is especially true for users like me with larger hands, we will be able to fit all or most of our fingers of both hands on the handle, unlike with a sportsbell. These bells also tend to be a bit cheaper than sports bells as those have to be weighted correctly, and require more work in manufacture.
Weight:
Common sense rules the roost here, if in doubt see if you can test a few bells at your local gym, or with your KB coach if you have one. If needed, use a dumbbell to test what you need so you have an idea of the weight you need. Try to press and swing or deadlift your dumbbell to get an idea of what you can do.
Weight choice is super important! Especially if you are on a limited budget, or only have space for one or two bells max. You need to think about what you are wanting to do again. For sports bells, you have to be able to manage the number of reps and the rpm for your event, your load will be lower, than if you are a general fitness person. I'm assuming below you don't have a coach, if you do though, listen to them.
For hardstyle, you need to think about what your training focus is. If you have to have one bell, you need to be able to press it. If you can't press it, you will be doing leg work pretty much exclusively. A weight you can press 3-5 times would be great, you can then progress up to sets of 10 reps. This might be super easy for your legs, in which case you will need to do a lot more reps or harder variation, or get a second, heavier bell for your legs.
For your legs, you want a bell you can deadlift/swing about 8-12 times to start with. You could then develop up to 20-25 reps a set. You would likely be able to squat that weight for similar numbers.
A lighter person with a smaller frame, or someone new to strength training might need 8-12 kgs to start. A person with more strength, or who has been doing strength training for a while could start with 16-24kgs. This is a very rough, and broad guide. I'm 6ft4, and was moving some reasonable weight on a barbell when I started with KBs, and a 16kg bell WRECKED ME! Remove your ego, you can always go up a bell when you are comfy.
Where to get a bell?
This is limited to NZ, sorry if you are outside New Zealand get in touch and I'll point you to someone who can recommend a supplier. I'm also assuming you want a brand new bell.
Hardstyle traditional bells
Sports bells
Buying second hand? Coming in the next blog
Starting Point
Got to start somewhere
I’m bit of a dinosaur, (and like my youngest, a dino fan). Blogs are probably the Diplodocus of the internet, lumbering into the mists of time. However I need a space to store and think through my work and this will be the purpose of this page.
My objectives here are:
Review and study my own practice as a PT
Discuss my ideas of fitness and training, what I’m reading, using etc.
Maybe get some unsolicited feedback on what I am doing.
So while I move forward in my career, this should be the place to find things I am reviewing, trialing, or simply thinking out loud about.
I hope there is something here for you that is useful and that you enjoy my ramblings and development as a trainer.
For the Love of the TGU
Something I love
It started on a patch of grass in the UK and turned into an obsession for me. The Turkish Get Up. While my love of kettlebells started similarly (about 50m away on some concrete), I still remember learning the TGU, and the way it felt getting the weight overhead. I say this and then wonder if I’d learnt it before or tinkered with it myself first… dunno. But I still remember that session so lets run with that. It was a movement that felt good, not challenging, no burning lungs or muscles, just good.
Apart from feeling good, why should you do the Get Up.
It requires focus. - with so much going on you have to think about the movement, and what comes next
It requires patience - you need to learn AND practice this movement in stages.
Mobility - referred to as Kettlebell yoga this movement needs to flex, stretch, and create tension in what are for most, positions we don’t get into daily.
Global movement - Sagittal, frontal, and transverse planes are moved through. This means pretty much every muscle in your body is working.
It isn’t maximal - this isn’t a bro move where any gym goer can compare numbers with you.
It does not need load or equipment - Its arguable that the benefits of the get up decrease with load (I still love a heavy get up), most people would get huge benefit from doing a get up with a yoga block or nothing at all.
Think about this, when did you lie on the floor and get up? As a parent this is frequent for me, and in the gym I try to change levels as much as I can. But for a lot of my clients it is very rare for them to be on the floor. The closest they get is sitting. The TGU gets you down, but back up again and I think this is part of the magic.